Leo (July 23 – August 22): As a Leo you see yourself as the lead in any relationship. Be careful this Valentine’s day, taking your loved one out and leading them around might get you hit by an oncoming car.
Aries (March 21 – April 20): This Valentine’s Day, that rollercoaster ride of emotions with your significant other will start to look brighter. Things will start to look up for the two of you. You know, before the rollercoaster flies off of the tracks and you go spiraling into the lake a couple feet away.
Cancer (Jun 22 – Jul 23): Ever since that crab attack things haven’t been the same for you and your significant other. It’s sad, but don’t worry, things will start to get better. If you look close enough you’ll find out the true meaning of Valentine’s Day, giant teddy bears.
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 20): You don’t care much for relationships and find Valentine ’s Day just another boring day to spend not caring about relationships. Not caring about relationships is your strong point because you just don’t, well, you know, care about them. Now get up, and go not care about relationships somewhere else.
Virgo (Aug 24 – Sep 23): Virgos like you are usually very sensitive during the Month of February. Mostly because no one takes the time to get you a Valentine’s card. Boohoo. No one likes it when you complain to them about how you would have gotten the biggest stuffed animal if you were in a relationship. Go out and find love, just stop complaining.
Libra(Sep 24 – Oct 23): Every Valentine’s day you get hundreds of random teddy bears, Valentine’s cards, candy boxes, and all of that lovey dovey stuff from all of the people that are madly in love with you. This year will be no different. But be warned, some people are going to go as far as waiting outside of your window, just to get a glimpse of your magnificence. So carry a bat…or a very sharp object.
Taurus(April 20- May 20): So you’re the big strong Taurus who walks down the hallways looking all buff with your significant other, now be careful because this valentine’s day you may lose them to someone you think is less then you; or just maybe an old friend. Stop being a jerk and pay attention to what’s around you.
Gemini(May 21-Jun 20): Since the beginning of the school year you’ve been trying your hardest to get your crush’s attention with the simple pelting of skittles, spitballs with little notes inside; you know the usual. This time I think your crush is trying to get your attention. Open your eyes and see for yourself.
Scorpio( Oct 23- Nov 21): Doing everything you love with strong passion, looks like I see in my crystal ball you’re going to be sharing that passion alone this valentine’s day….sorry….
Sagittarius (Nov 21- Dec 21): As you bounce down the hallways skipping with joy, you’re going to hit your head on someone’s shoulder. Could they be your next boyfriend or girlfriend, or some crazy stalker who’s going to obsess over your every move?
Aquarius (Jan 20- Feb 18): You got lost in your ego that you didn’t pay attention to the signs that a classmate was trying to give you. I mean come on, notes, hearts, and drawings… how could you miss that? When you open your front door don’t be surprised to find a bunch of flowers or notes… or maybe a mutant teddy bear…
Pisces (Feb 19- Mar 20): Oooohhhhhh, You’re in a love triangle with your best friend and your boyfriend of a year… sucks for you. Looks like this Valentine’s Day you’re going to have to make a decision… Sorry I’m just the messenger.